also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
