i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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