Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
