I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize
