It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
