My balls are so social today.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
