OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
