you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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