I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
