If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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