During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
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