no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
