this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
