I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize