He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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