at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
