brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
