Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Randomize
