That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
