yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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