Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
