Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Randomize
