I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Randomize
