I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
