Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
