i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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