so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
