Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
