i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Randomize
