Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
