Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
he fucked my hip out of place.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
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