He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
