I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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