Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
