I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
