'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
im about as happy as oj after his trial
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
