Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
