You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
