His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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