dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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