things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
You need a sexual gate keeper
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
