Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
COCAINE IS GR8
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
