And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
