I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Randomize
