I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
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