I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
