there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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