I think I won the penis lottery.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
