I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
