Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
