Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
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