And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
