I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
she peed on how many people?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
