So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Randomize
