her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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