i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
