I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
