if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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