I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
