Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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