I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize