college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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