the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
