her vagine was all disorganized.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
