it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize