Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
