College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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