im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
