Why does Corona taste like a burp?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
